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Does this read ok, by the way ? He decided, that very evening, that he would throw himself into merchandising, during the Occupation (for however long it would last), to ensure there'd be food on the table. or ? He decided, that very evening, that he would throw himself into merchandising...

Thanks cougr, I appreciate your help. I'll need to rework some other sentences in the book, so I'll be posting more in the future.

I suppose I could have gone with something like ; He decided, there and then, that he would throw himself into ( or he would commit himself, wholeheartedly ? ,to) merchandising for the long haul (or for however long the Occupation happens to last) to provide for his family. Does the more...

I'm running for cover now, as I bare my soul : Εκείνο κιόλας το βράδυ αποφάσισε να το ρίξει στο μικρεμπόριο για την εξασφάλισή τροφίμων, όσο διάστημα θα διαρκούσε η Γερμανική κατοχή. I'll give you the reasons why I took some liberties with this translation. Two sentences prior, it had already...

Thank you nickel. Here's one way, perhaps, to incorporate "chance" into the sentence (whilst adopting your gerund and idiom ;)) : He decided, then and there, to stick to his merchandising ; he saw it as (still?) offering(or he saw that it offered/he could see that it offered/having determined...

Thanks again Philip. How does this sound ? He decided, there and then, that the most effective way of providing for his family during the Occupation remained merchandising. or ? He decided, there and then, that merchandising remained the most effective way of providing for his family...

Thank you all and I need to watch my extra commas ! One thing still bothers me (regardless of which version of the sentence is chosen) ; we can safely say that : Merchandising offered him the most effective means, i.e., the best way of providing for his family ; but can merchandising ( as in...

Thanks cougr, .. I might go with that too. If you strip your suggested sentence right back to .. "his best chance was to continue merchandising", it reads quite well.

Thank you Philip Here's the paragraph that the sentence slots into. You can see which one I've decided to go with. Do you agree with my choice ? Whilst unloading and storing away the provisions, kindly supplied by his relatives, he found himself making new plans. He decided, then and there...

Thank you nickel. I like the way you've restated it ; you've opened up new possibilities and for some reason it actually sounds better than all my attempts. Actually which of these gets the biggest thumbs up ? (maybe I'll get you wondering now ?) 1. He decided, then and there, that his best...

Good morning. I need some help, please, with the following sentence. He decided, then and there, that his best chance to provide for his family, during the (German) occupation. was to continue merchandising. Does the sentence sound right ? For some reason the last phrase, "was to continue...

Thanks nickel ..here's a few more pages, still at draft stage. Just go past "Guarding the Albanian border". I'm not expecting any more help, by the way, just wanted to get your thoughts more than anything. Guarding the Albanian Border The howling northerly wind continued to sculpt the icicles...

"Inside, four soldiers warmed themselves by the wood heater, as they waited to replace the returning patrol team." ? Sorry for the multiple posts, but I had lunch in between. Also, I mistakenly referred to a sentence, that you didn't in fact comment on nickel, and apologies for that - the one...

.. or, should I have written .. I'm doing not too bad a job ? :scared: ;) "Inside, four soldiers sat around the wood heater and enjoyed its warmth, waiting for the patrol team to replace them.” does read better, but the team inside are replacing the patrol, so it needs to be stated the...

Thanks nickel, for taking an interest. You've made some good comments and you're right, it'll need reworking in the areas you've pointed out. That key sentence also catches you somewhat unaware in my uncle's book ... "Εκείνη την ημέρα δεν άργησε να γίνει το κακό όταν βρέθηκε ένα τραπουλόχαρτο...

I've revised my opening sentence and thank you both for your help. I've nearly completed the book now. Here's the first couple of pages from the first chapter, which includes the pivotal event that sets up the story (I thought you might be interested). Don't be too critical, as I said I'm...

Thanks for your input. I'm thinking an opening sentence should be deliberately long and expansive to draw in the reader. I'm doing the Greek/English translation as a favour (to my uncle) and so I'm trying to get through it as quickly and painlessly as possible, with minimal redrafts and by only...

Thanks SBE So you see a need to break down the sentence. Το σκέφτηκα αυτό, και ίσως θα πρέπει να πείσω τον θείο μου τον συγγραφέα, να αναθεωρήσει τη λογική του.

Καλήμερα και καλό Σαββατοκύριακο. I could use your knowledgeable opinions. Μήπως αυτή η πρόταση είναι μακρύτερη από όσο πρέπει ; Η πρόταση αυτή είναι η πρώτη (εισαγωγική δηλαδή or opening sentence) ενός βιβλίου. Any suggestions that would render it less wordy or clumsy ? The cold northerly...

Back to the future: This man interviews his 12-year-old self MEET Jeremiah McDonald. He's 32 years old. And he's 12 years old. This extraordinary video is the result of his interview with himself, 20 years in the making...