How does this sentence sound to you ?

pontios

pontios

Well-known member
Good morning.
I need some help, please, with the following sentence.
He decided, then and there, that his best chance to provide for his family, during the (German) occupation. was to continue merchandising.

Does the sentence sound right ?
For some reason the last phrase, "was to continue merchandising" feels out of place (to me anyway).
Even if the start of the sentence is restated as ..
He decided, then and there, that his best chance of providing for his family, was to continue merchandising.
The last phrase still doesn't feel like it belongs (within the sentence), to me ?

I'm wondering if anything is improved by ending the sentence with ... was by continuing to merchandise ?

If the word "continue "wasn't part of the sentence, a possible solution could be ? ; "lay in merchandising", or the sentence could be re-tweaked with "would be offered by merchandising ", but as I need to include the word "continue" in there, can anyone come up with an elegant solution, that leaves no lingering doubts.
 
nickel

nickel

Administrator
Staff member
They all sound right to me. Here's an alternative, just to keep you wondering:

There and then he decided that his best chance of providing for his family during the Occupation was to stick to his merchandising.
 
pontios

pontios

Well-known member
There and then he decided that his best chance of providing for his family during the Occupation was to stick to his merchandising.
Click to expand...
Thank you nickel.
I like the way you've restated it ; you've opened up new possibilities and for some reason it actually sounds
better than all my attempts.

Actually which of these gets the biggest thumbs up ? (maybe I'll get you wondering now ?)

1. He decided, then and there, that his best chance to provide for his family, during the Occupation, was to stick to merchandising.
2 He decided, then and there, that his best chance to provide for his family, during the Occupation, was to stick to his merchandising
3. He decided, then and there, that his best chance to provide for his family, during the Occupation. was to continue with his merchandising.
4. There and then he decided that his best chance of providing for his family during the Occupation was to stick to his merchandising.
5 There and then he decided that his best chance of providing for his family during the Occupation was to stick to merchandising.
6. There and then he decided that his best chance of providing for his family during the Occupation was to continue his merchandising.
7, There and then he decided that his best chance of providing for his family during the Occupation was to continue with his merchandising.

Also which way do we go - then and there or there and then ?
 
Philip

Philip

¥
You could also say "carry on merchandising".

I generally use there and then, but t' other way round sounds equally fine.

Your 1, 2, & 3 have commas round during the occupation, which are otiose.
Your 7 seems (as a first impression) to have something negative about it, as if the writer thinks that it was not the best solution.
 
Philip

Philip

¥
As a second thought, putting there and then at the beginning of the sentence gives it greater force than if it follows the subject and verb. To decide between these I would need to take the preceding sentence(s) into account.
 
pontios

pontios

Well-known member
Philip said:
As a second thought, putting there and then at the beginning of the sentence gives it greater force than if it follows the subject and verb. To decide between these I would need to take the preceding sentence(s) into account.
Click to expand...

Thank you Philip
Here's the paragraph that the sentence slots into. You can see which one I've decided to go with.
Do you agree with my choice ?

Whilst unloading and storing away the provisions, kindly supplied by his relatives, he found himself making new plans. He decided, then and there, that his best chance to provide for his family during the Occupation, was to stick to his merchandising. His main concern was that the merchandise would still need to be sourced from the wholesale markets in Thessaloniki, which were some 150 kilometres away now.
 
cougr

cougr

¥
FWIW pontios, I prefer a slightly modified version of the second example of the sentence that you provided in your initial post .

Eg. He decided then and there, that his best chance of providing for his family during the Occupation, was to continue merchandising.
 
pontios

pontios

Well-known member
Thanks cougr, .. I might go with that too.
If you strip your suggested sentence right back to .. "his best chance was to continue merchandising", it reads quite well.
 
Philip

Philip

¥
Hi Pontie,
Given the paragraph, I would agree with your choice.
Not happy about the comma after provisions. Strikes me as awkward.

@Cougr
Not sure about the commas - they do not enclose a parenthetical clause or phrase. The sentence seems ok to me without any commas (and just one of the two isn't an option) :)
 
cougr

cougr

¥
Okay, thanks Philip. I have a tendency of overusing the comma, particularly at the beginning of long sentences where the introductory phrase or clause consists of several words and also towards the end of a long sentence where I feel a pause seems evident.
 
J

Jacquelineditor

New member
I couldn't resist chiming in (especially since I taught Nickel many years ago and have been an editor most of my life). I'd adopt his gerund and idiom, and eliminate commas as follows:
He decided, then and there, that his best chance of providing for his family during the Occupation was to stick to merchandising.
 
cougr

cougr

¥
Delighted to have you chiming in Jacquelineditor but may I ask what "his gerund and idiom" refers to? It's got me slightly stumped.
 
pontios

pontios

Well-known member
Thank you all and I need to watch my extra commas !

One thing still bothers me (regardless of which version of the sentence is chosen) ; we can safely say that :
Merchandising offered him the most effective means, i.e., the best way of providing for his family ; but can merchandising ( as in the activity, itself) ever be considered a chance or the best chance (of providing for his family) ?
His best chance maybe was via merchandising, but can his best chance be merchandising ?
Is everyone following me ?
I still see a flaw for some reason, within the original sentence itself as it's somehow equating chance with merchandising . I'm not sure if I'm explaining myself adequately.
I deliberately left out the word/verb "continue",above, to simplify things, and in order to help me illustrate my point.
 
Philip

Philip

¥
"chance" works ok, in a loose kind of way - if it were spoken language, very few people would even give it a second thought. It strikes me as more informal (rather than logically flawed) and to be dispreferred for that reason..
 
pontios

pontios

Well-known member
Thanks again Philip.

How does this sound ?

He decided, there and then, that the most effective way of providing for his family during the Occupation remained merchandising.

or ?

He decided, there and then, that merchandising remained the most effective way of providing for his family during the Occupation.
 
pontios

pontios

Well-known member
Thank you nickel.

Here's one way, perhaps, to incorporate "chance" into the sentence (whilst adopting your gerund and idiom ;)) :

He decided, then and there, to stick to his merchandising ; he saw it as (still?) offering(or he saw that it offered/he could see that it offered/having determined, after determining that it still offered ?) the best chance to provide for his family during the Occupation.

Que pensez-vous?
 
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