Commas

[pontios]

Help! - I'm still confused with the commas.

Have I placed the commas in the right position?
I was tempted to put commas around "however", but I think it reads better, this way, with just one.
No comma before "which", right?

Stefania got up and offered Marianthi a glass of water, when she saw her becoming flushed with emotion, however she kept quiet about the referred to name tag which she did indeed find around the baby's neck.


Should I split it into 2 sentences?

with a semi colon -
Stefania got up and offered Marianthi a glass of water, when she saw her becoming flushed with emotion; however, she kept quiet about the referred to name tag which she did indeed find around the baby's neck.


or, completely -
Stefania got up and offered Marianthi a glass of water, when she saw her becoming flushed with emotion. She kept quiet about the referred to name tag, however, which she did indeed find around the baby's neck.


Also, am I right in thinking that the English (as in those from the UK) use a different convention, with respect to the conjunctions - and, but, so etc.. - with the comma preceding the conjunction, whenever the conjunction happens to separate 2 clauses (whereas, in the US, they don't put commas before the conjunctions, in the same instance)?

 

[bernardina]

Καλημέρα!

Stefania got up and offered Marianthi a glass of water, when she saw her becoming flushed with emotion, however she kept quiet about the referred to name tag which she did indeed find around the baby's neck.

Εγώ θα το έκανα κάπως έτσι:
When she saw her flushed with emotion, Stefania got up and fetched Marianthi a glass of water; still, she kept quiet about the name tag which she had indeed found around the baby's neck.

Πώς σου φαίνεται; :)

 

[nickel]

When she saw her flushed with emotion, Stefania got up and fetched Marianthi a glass of water; still, she kept quiet about the name tag which she had indeed found around the baby's neck.

Μου αρέσει η απόδοσή σου. Ίσως να μην έβαζα και τα δύο ονόματα στην κύρια πρόταση. Θα έβαζα:
When she saw Marianthi flushed with emotion, Stefania got up and fetched her a glass of water

Still ή however, μου κάνουν και τα δυο, αλλά εκείνο το indeed μού λέει ότι έχει ήδη γίνει αναφορά στο name tag, οπότε, για να τρελάνω τον pontio με τα κόμματα :
still / however, she kept quiet about the name tag, which she had indeed found around the baby's neck.

 

[pontios]

Σας ευχαριστώ, berdardina και nickel.

Ήθελα απλά να ξέρω αν χρησιμοποιούσα τα κόμματα σωστά, και αν ήταν στις σωστές τους θέσεις.

I'm still reworking sentences in the book (this one still needed reworking).
Αλλά, εν πάση περιπτώσει, έχετε επαναδιατυπώσει την πρόταση μου, και σε απομόνωση είναι μάλλον καλύτερα διατυπωμένη από τη δική μου εκδοχή, αλλά νομίζω ότι δεν ταιριάζει τόσο πολύ που αρχίζει με το «when», διότι είναι πολύ ξαφνικό το ξεκίνημα της προτάσεις.

Σύμφωνα με τη ροή της ιστορίας, θα μπορούσα να έχω επιλέξει (αν ήθελα να βελτιωθεί η πρόταση).

Stefania, noticing Marianthi flushed with emotion, got up to get her a glass of water; she kept quiet about the name tag, however, which she did indeed find around the baby's neck.

or ..

Stefania, noticing that Marianthi was flushed with emotion ...

The question was posed by Marianthi (to Stefania) - did you happen to find a name tag around the baby's neck?


For some reason, I prefer the combination of "did find" with "indeed" - rather than "had found" with "indeed". If "indeed" wasn't present, I would have opted for "had found".
Regardless of the correct tense and use of "had found" vs "did find" - "did find" seems to work/sound better, for some reason, even if technically it may not be the right choice?

If it's okay, I might start a new thread with some more sentences - a comma workshop.

 

[nickel]

The choice between "did find" and "had found" is a question of meaning, and we need to know the context. She found the name tag around the baby's neck after getting up to get the glass of water or had she already found it before even seeing Marianthi flushed with emotion?

If the former, simple past is fine but you don't need both "did find" and "indeed". I think "which she did find" is enough.

 

[pontios]

She found it years ago, in fact, but she had lied to Marianthi (she told her, say a minute earlier, that the baby wasn't wearing one).
"Had found" is the right tense - but "did find" sounds better with "indeed", here.

Do you go with what sounds better?

But the question that was posed by Marianthi to Stefania was - did you happen to see/find/was there a name tag around the baby's neck at that point in time (when you first saw the baby, even if it was years ago)?
This needs to be considered.