The Luxembourg Wurst
Luxembourgish ‘a mix of, like, German and, uh, French’
A man who moved to Luxembourg nine months ago and has been exposed to Luxembourgish dozens of times has proposed what linguists are calling an exciting theory: that Luxembourgish is a fusion of German and French.
If Philip Gardener’s theory is proven true, it could show that languages are nothing more than two- or three-ingredient salad dressings, half oil and half vinegar, sometimes with a dab of mustard added in.
Gardener, 34, released his theory during a video chat with his family back home when the topic of Luxembourgish came up.
“It’s basically a mix of, like, German, and uh, French,” Gardener said.
Dr. Phoenix Lazarus, who speaks 17 languages, holds six PhDs, and refers to linguists Steven Pinker and Noam Chomsky as “amateurs,” says he cannot understand how Phil Gardener was able to do it.
“I’ve spent years studying the phonology, syntax, morphology, and orthography of Luxembourgish and other Moselle Franconian languages, and this guy comes along and blows all of my research out of the water with his elegant thesis,” Lazarus says. “Touché. Well done, sir.”
Gardener, who is fluent in three English dialects and can understand Australian English and a little bit of Spanish, says the idea just came to him.
“I was looking at some verbs in Luxembourgish, and I was like, those kind of look like German,” he said. “But then some words in Luxembourgish, like merci, are basically French.”
“And, well,” he added. “Yeah, you see what I mean.”
Now that Lazarus and his peers from linguistics departments at the most prestigious universities have a lead, they say they will look at every language as simple blends of others.
“Just as Bordeaux wine is a mix of Cabernet Sauvignon and Merlot, so too are languages a bit of this and a bit of that, it seems,” Lazarus said. “Is Spanish a mix of Portuguese and Italian? Is Croatian a combination of Czech and Bulgarian? We now think so.”
