Two longish sentences from a magazine

[Theseus]

From an article entitled 'I'm middle-aged, Surely some mistake?' Mimi Spencer on embracing mid-life (and chin hairs)'.
Two sentences illustrating her typical style of playful mockery here about herself & her wonderful humour. She, by the way, is content to be fifty. Most articles about men show regret about lost six packs, incipient sarcopenia & arthritis! Good for Mimi!

a) One friend is considering dyeing her lady garden(?!) with Just For Men Moustache and Beard Brush-In Colour Gel, which seems like woolly thinking when all she really needs to do is turn the lights out.
and on herself:-
b) As one friend said to me the other day: 'Yeah, you look great. But why are your boobs in the wrong place?' They'd headed south, as if on a quest to find my lost belly button. Bras, you come to realise, are no longer suggestive or decorative; they're essential scaffolding required to defy the laws of gravity. :laugh::

If translating these two sentences is excessive, they could either be made into two threads & the content summarised to give me a flavour of this kind of journalistic style. Or they could be just ignored.
I'm making good progress with my spoken Greek, thanks to a brilliant course of lessons on radio at kypros.org! My translation from English to Greek is still at a basic stage!

 

[Theseus]

Or just give me parallel articles on ageing in Greek magazines....:)

 

[Themis†]

Ας δοκιμάσουμε το (β):

As one friend said to me the other day: 'Yeah, you look great. But why are your boobs in the wrong place?' They'd headed south, as if on a quest to find my lost belly button. Bras, you come to realise, are no longer suggestive or decorative; they're essential scaffolding required to defy the laws of gravity.

Όπως μου είπε μια φίλη τις προάλλες: "Ναι, μια χαρά φαίνεσαι. Αλλά γιατί είναι τα βυζιά σου σε λάθος μέρος;". Είχαν πάρει δρόμο προς τα Νότια, λες και αναζητούσαν τον χαμένο μου αφαλό. Συνειδητοποιείς ότι το σουτιέν δεν είναι πια υπαινικτικό ούτε διακοσμητικό· αποτελεί απαραίτητη σκαλωσιά για να αψηφάς τους νόμους της βαρύτητας.

 

[Theseus]

:lol:Wow! Thanks for your brilliant and very prompt translation, Themis! It has the same humorous & self-deprecatory tone of the original. I don't know what to say further other than thank you profusely again. :)

 

[Themis†]

Ας δοκιμάσουμε και το (α):

One friend is considering dyeing her lady garden(?!) with Just For Men Moustache and Beard Brush-In Colour Gel, which seems like woolly thinking when all she really needs to do is turn the lights out.

Μια φίλη σκέφτεται να βάψει το δασάκι της με μουστακομπογιά και χρωμοζέλ για γένια. Τρίχες! Το μόνο που πραγματικά χρειάζεται είναι να σβήνει το φως.

 

[drsiebenmal]

OK, I'll give my rendering of the first one:

a) One friend is considering dyeing her lady garden(?!) with Just For Men Moustache and Beard Brush-In Colour Gel, which seems like woolly thinking when all she really needs to do is turn the lights out.
and on herself:-

Μια φίλη σκέφτεται να βάψει το τρίγωνο της Αφροδίτης της με μια αντρική καραμπογιά που κάνει το γκρίζο ξανά κατάμαυρο* μού φαίνεται ότι σκέφτεται τρίχες αφού αρκεί απλώς να σβήνει το φως.

 

[drsiebenmal]

OK, Themis' δασάκι beats by far my rather poetic rendering, while my καραμπογιά has a rusty linguistic taste, maybe showing the age of said friend. :)

I'm using the asterisk as an ano teleia.

 

[Theseus]

And many, many thanks again to Themis for his efforts on my behalf! Thanks too, of course, αξιότιμε Δρ. for your rendering also: the term 'lady bits' has become widespread in very recent times. I first heard it in a local garden centre, where a female assistant had visited the toilet; she emerged with the words: 'There was a bloke inside there. He's a bird; he's got lady bits!' The τρίγωνο της Αφροδίτης is an inspired rendering: it has the desired quaintness in this context.
I sidn't think my sentences would be translated for a while: thanks again to both. :)

 

[daeman]

...
Y'all are beating around the bush down under!

Here's somebody else beating, too: 30 Unapproved Names For A Woman’s Bush.

Ορίστε: θάμνος.

---

O Knights of Ni, we have brought you your shrubbery.

It is a good shrubbery. I like the laurels particularly... but there is one small problem. We are now no longer the Knights Who Say 'Ni'. We are now the Knights Who Say 'Ecky-ecky-ecky-ecky-pikang-zoop-boing-goodem-zu-owly-zhiv'.

 

[Theseus]

'Lady garden' is a very delicate & tasteful euphemism, 'Man. Θάμνος seems from your link to be a bit crude! Mimi's term is a ladylike expression but your puns are still "'typical 'Man" & funny to boot...No puns about shoes or it's a slap on the wrist! :)

 

[Duke_of_Waltham]

We don't really use north and south in the respective senses of "up" and "down", though, do we? Not nearly as much as they do in English, anyway.

(Though the reverse is arguably true: we seem to be using up for "north" and down for "south" much more.)

 

[Theseus]

Thanks, Duke. In this case I think there was meant to be a pseudo-geographical nuance as if an explorer (here two explorers) were heading to rediscover lost territory! So 'south (Νότια)' seems more apt in this particular context.:)