κλείσε, θα σε πάρω εγώ | πάρε το μηδέν | γουρδώνω το περπούτσι παράμοιρα

[Theseus]

Despite looking them up in slang.gr, i can't really understand the precise contexts you would use the following three phrases:-
i) κλείσε, θα σε πάρω εγώ
ii) πάρε το μηδέν
iii) Γουρδώνω το περπούτσι παράμοιρα.Can someone please explain their usage in English or in more intelligible Greek than I find slang.gr to be in these contexts.

 

[nickel]

You've got a glorious mix there, seeing that the third phrase, which I've now heard for the first time, is the creative translation of some nonsensical Italian in the 1975 Italian film Amici miei. In one of the comments posted there you also have a nonsensical poem by Lapathiotis (Ζινώντας αποβίδονο σαβίνι etc.), probably inspired by Lewis Carroll's “Twas bryllyg, and ye slythy toves”. This phrase is supposed to be used when we want to confuse someone with what sounds like a very technical jargon-laden explanation.

Phrases one and two are much simpler and common. Word for word:
(i) Hang up and let me call you instead.
(ii) Dial zero (to clear the line)
I believe they are both used figuratively to tell someone he is probably making no sense.

 

[azimuthios]

If you could give us some more context, it would be better. :)

Just a small explanation about 2). Once upon a time when we had analog phones, there was static or other noises heard while talking on the phone. Therefore, in order to clear the line, we were told to dial zero.

 

[daeman]

[...]
iii) Γουρδώνω το περπούτσι παράμοιρα.Can someone please explain their usage in English or in more intelligible Greek than I find slang.gr to be in these contexts.

You've got a glorious mix there, seeing that the third phrase, which I've now heard for the first time, is the creative translation of some nonsensical Italian in the 1975 Italian film Amici miei. In one of the comments posted there you also have a nonsensical poem by Lapathiotis (Ζινώντας αποβίδονο σαβίνι etc.), probably inspired by Lewis Carroll's “Twas bryllyg, and ye slythy toves”. This phrase is supposed to be used when we want to confuse someone with what sounds like a very technical jargon-laden explanation.
[...]

I remember it a bit different: Γούρδωσε το περτούτσι, και καψιλεύτηκε η σουπερλαγεία δεξιά παραμοίρα, from the inventive subtitling of its theatrical version. I remember it well because for a time we used it a lot with my close friends, in the evasive way Nickel says, or as a nonsensical answer to an absurd question. I'm not absolutely certain whether it was περτούτσι or περπούτσι (a bit closer to super-cazzo-la, although that was rendered as σουπερλαγεία), but I don't think that's a matter of the utmost importance.

There's a lot of supercazzole on youtube, and a couple of them in Lexilogia.

For the poem by Lapathiotis, see here.

 

[sarant]

Just let me add that Πάρε το μηδέν is rather dated, given that younger people have not had this experience.