Page 1 of 2 1 2 LastLast
Results 1 to 10 of 12

Thread: Holy cow! Ή τι αλίευσα στο φατσαμπούκι.

  1. #1
    Senior Member bernardina's Avatar
    Join Date
    Mar 2012
    Location
    outskirts
    Posts
    5,951
    Gender
    Female

    Holy cow! Ή τι αλίευσα στο φατσαμπούκι.

    SOCIALISM
    You have 2 cows.
    You give one to your neighbour

    COMMUNISM
    You have 2 cows.
    The State takes both and gives you some milk.

    FASCISM
    You have 2 cows.
    The State takes both and sells you some milk.

    NAZISM
    You have 2 cows.
    The State takes both and shoots you.

    BUREAUCRATISM
    You have 2 cows.
    The State takes both, shoots one, milks the other, and then throws the milk away.

    TRADITIONAL CAPITALISM
    You have two cows.
    You sell one and buy a bull.
    Your herd multiplies, and the economy grows.
    You sell them and retire on the income.

    ROYAL BANK OF SCOTLAND (VENTURE) CAPITALISM
    You have two cows.
    You sell three of them to your publicly listed company, using letters of credit opened by your brother-in-law at the bank, then execute a debt/equity swap with an associated general offer so that you get all four cows back, with a tax exemption for five cows.
    The milk rights of the six cows are transferred via an intermediary to a Cayman Island Company secretly owned by the majority shareholder who sells the rights to all seven cows back to your listed company.
    The annual report says the company owns eight cows, with an option on one more. You sell one cow to buy a new president of the United States, leaving you with nine cows. No balance sheet provided with the release.
    The public then buys your bull.

    SURREALISM
    You have two giraffes.
    The government requires you to take harmonica lessons.

    AN AMERICAN CORPORATION
    You have two cows.
    You sell one, and force the other to produce the milk of four cows.
    Later, you hire a consultant to analyse why the cow has dropped dead.

    A GREEK CORPORATION
    You have two cows. You borrow lots of euros to build barns, milking sheds, hay stores, feed sheds, dairies, cold stores, abattoir, cheese unit and packing sheds.
    You still only have two cows.

    A FRENCH CORPORATION
    You have two cows.
    You go on strike, organise a riot, and block the roads, because you want three cows.

    A JAPANESE CORPORATION
    You have two cows.
    You redesign them so they are one-tenth the size of an ordinary cow and produce twenty times the milk.
    You then create a clever cow cartoon image called a Cowkimona and market it worldwide.

    AN ITALIAN CORPORATION
    You have two cows,
    but you don't know where they are.
    You decide to have lunch.

    A SWISS CORPORATION
    You have 5000 cows. None of them belong to you.
    You charge the owners for storing them.

    A CHINESE CORPORATION
    You have two cows.
    You have 300 people milking them.
    You claim that you have full employment, and high bovine productivity.
    You arrest the newsman who reported the real situation.

    AN INDIAN CORPORATION
    You have two cows.
    You worship them.

    A BRITISH CORPORATION
    You have two cows.
    Both are mad.

    AN IRAQI CORPORATION
    Everyone thinks you have lots of cows.
    You tell them that you have none.
    No-one believes you, so they bomb the ** out of you and invade your country.
    You still have no cows, but at least you are now a Democracy.

    AN AUSTRALIAN CORPORATION
    You have two cows.
    Business seems pretty good.
    You close the office and go for a few beers to celebrate.

    A NEW ZEALAND CORPORATION
    You have two cows.
    The one on the left looks very attractive...


    Bovus track

    Μooooo cow!
    Ζωή σου είναι ό,τι έδωσες
    τούτο το κενό είναι ό,τι έδωσες
    το άσπρο χαρτί.

    Γ.Σ.

  2. #2
    Senior Member Hellegennes's Avatar
    Join Date
    Aug 2011
    Posts
    6,417
    Ωραίο.

    Quote Originally Posted by bernardina View Post

    AN AMERICAN CORPORATION
    You have two cows.
    You sell one, and force the other to
    produce the milk of four cows.
    Later, you hire a consultant to analyse why
    the cow has dropped dead.
    Τι έχουν τα έρμα και ψοφάνε...

  3. #3
    Senior Member dharvatis's Avatar
    Join Date
    May 2011
    Location
    Le Grand Duché
    Posts
    2,826
    Gender
    Male
    Και η εκδίκηση:
    Life is an aberration; it appears under unusual conditions, where there is an abnormal amount of resources, and then proceeds to expand and evolve, consuming those resources until eventually it dies away, leaving behind only bare rock and empty soda cans.

  4. #4
    Senior Member Themis's Avatar
    Join Date
    Feb 2010
    Posts
    3,720
    Gender
    Male
    dharvatis, η παρέμβασή σου μου θυμίζει την κάθαρση των αρχαίων τραγωδιών και του Πέκινπα. Έξοχο!
    Κατά τα άλλα, πολύ εμπνευσμένα τα μπερνοτσιταριζόμενα. Αλλά με εκνευρίζει η ιστορική ανακρίβεια: ο ναζισμός δεν μεγάλωσε τον κρατικό τομέα αλλά τον ιδιωτικό. Δεν έκανε κρατικοποιήσεις αλλά ιδιωτικοποιήσεις. Άλλο η ψυχροπολεμική προπαγάνδα και άλλο η πραγματικότητα.
    Aπ' ό,τι κάλλη έχει άνθρωπος, τα λόγια έχουν τη χάρη / να κάμουσι κάθε καρδιά παρηγοριά να πάρη
    κι οπού κατέχει να μιλεί με γνώση και με τρόπο / κάνει και κλαίσι και γελούν τα μάτια των ανθρώπω.

  5. #5
    Senior Member bernardina's Avatar
    Join Date
    Mar 2012
    Location
    outskirts
    Posts
    5,951
    Gender
    Female
    Λοιπόν, κάποιες ιστορίες είναι πιο παλιές απ' όσο φανταζόμαστε.

    Έτσι, εδώ βλέπουμε ότι ο οικιακός ίππος άσκησης (κάτι σαν πρόδρομος του στατικού ποδηλάτου; ), κάνει καλό στο συκώτι, την παχυσαρκία, την υστερία (!), την ποδάγρα και άλλα πολλά.



    Το μόνο κακό μ' αυτά τα στατικά πράματα είναι πως όσο κι αν κοπιάζεις δεν πας πουθενά.
    Ζωή σου είναι ό,τι έδωσες
    τούτο το κενό είναι ό,τι έδωσες
    το άσπρο χαρτί.

    Γ.Σ.

  6. #6
    HandyMod drsiebenmal's Avatar
    Join Date
    Mar 2009
    Location
    Athens, Greece
    Posts
    28,569
    Gender
    Male
    Για την «καταπολέμηση της υστερίας» το αλογάκι ιππευόταν αλλιώς, πάντως...
    Wer die Wahrheit nicht weiß, der ist bloß ein Dummkopf. Aber wer sie weiß, und sie eine Lüge nennt, der ist ein Verbrecher!
    We base decisions on facts, not superstition, not what our ideology tells us but rather what we can observe

    δεῖ δὲ χρημάτων, καὶ ἄνευ τούτων οὐδὲν ἔστι γενέσθαι τῶν δεόντων
    Η Ελλάδα είναι Ευρώπη, η Ευρώπη είναι Ελλάδα!

  7. #7
    Senior Member SBE's Avatar
    Join Date
    Mar 2009
    Location
    Londinium
    Posts
    11,059
    Gender
    Female
    Η συσκευή είχε επιτυχία και στα δύο φύλα, και βλέπω λέει ότι brightens the brain (ξελαμπικάρει; ) και θεραπεύει τη δυσπεψία.
    Click image for larger version. 

Name:	pd690334.jpg 
Views:	13 
Size:	89.1 KB 
ID:	4533

    Βλέπω επίσης στο ιντερνέτιο ότι η συσκευή είναι ακόμα εδώ, κι ακόμα υπόσχεται πολλά:
    Click image for larger version. 

Name:	x240-DF4.jpg 
Views:	20 
Size:	18.6 KB 
ID:	4534

  8. #8
    Administrator nickel's Avatar
    Join Date
    Feb 2008
    Location
    38.113583, 23.862870
    Posts
    47,459
    Gender
    Male
    Quote Originally Posted by drsiebenmal View Post
    Για την «καταπολέμηση της υστερίας» το αλογάκι ιππευόταν αλλιώς, πάντως...
    Να δείτε την ταινία Hysteria, να μορφωθείτε.

    http://www.imdb.com/title/tt1435513/combined
    http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Hysteria_%282011_film%29
    http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Vibrator_%28sex_toy%29
    Μένω ΕυρώπηΣύγκρουση ιδεών, όχι βία και μισαλλοδοξία: δεν οδηγούν πουθενά. (Λ. Κύρκος)Αριστεία, ρε!
    ΕΝΑ ΝΗΜΑ ΤΗΝ ΗΜΕΡΑ ΤΗΝ ΑΝΙΑ ΚΑΝΕΙ ΠΕΡΑ. Staying hungry, staying foolish. Το διαδίκτυο βλάπτει όταν δεν σκέφτεσαι.

  9. #9
    Senior Member daeman's Avatar
    Join Date
    Apr 2008
    Location
    anywhere I lay my head
    Posts
    22,934
    Gender
    Male
    ...
    SURREALISM
    You have a giraffe.
    The government requires you to spice it up.




    POINTILLISM
    You have some long necked cows.
    The government requires you to giraffe them up.



    Quote Originally Posted by bernardina View Post
    ...
    A NEW ZEALAND CORPORATION
    You have two cows giraffes.
    The one on the left looks very attractive...

    ...





    giraffics
    Θεωρητικά, θεωρία και πράξη είναι το ίδιο πράγμα. Στην πράξη, όμως, διαφέρουν.
    When this you see, remember me and bear me in your mind, let all the world say what they may, speak of me as you find.

  10. #10
    Senior Member daeman's Avatar
    Join Date
    Apr 2008
    Location
    anywhere I lay my head
    Posts
    22,934
    Gender
    Male
    ...
    i-GROOVISM® by Apple™
    You have a cow.
    The company requires you to groove it up, without revealing to other cows what the groove is, so you invent the iChow©.




    SPANISHISM
    You have a bull.
    Tradition requires you to fight it, but this bull ain't gonna take no bull from ya.



    Ay gotcha, hijo de puta! Bull's I.
    Θεωρητικά, θεωρία και πράξη είναι το ίδιο πράγμα. Στην πράξη, όμως, διαφέρουν.
    When this you see, remember me and bear me in your mind, let all the world say what they may, speak of me as you find.

Page 1 of 2 1 2 LastLast

Bookmarks

Bookmarks

Posting Permissions

  • You may not post new threads
  • You may not post replies
  • You may not post attachments
  • You may not edit your posts
  •